Two weeks ago, I was given the best Christmas present I could wish for. A gift that consisted of what the Christmas spirit is all about. What I have found in my travels and in this fast-paced world is that we have lost respect for each other.
Now, I am not talking about respecting what one has accomplished or the choices they have made in their lives. It’s not about the respect we reserve for people like Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa—what they have done and accomplished. Most people think respect should be a result of achievement. We have forgotten the basic level of humanitarian respect that all humans deserve no matter what they have or have not achieved.
My gift this Christmas was such a reminder. I was saddened by the fact that everywhere I looked, Christmas has become all about “what I want and what I have received” instead of “what I have given back to those that are not as fortunate.”
This Christmas Eve, I “dressed up” in order to blend with the people who spend Christmas together on the streets. I spent Christmas Eve on the streets with the homeless, looking for the answers to a few questions:
* How was it that they spent this evening of giving?
* Did they wish for something different than those that have the gift of a roof and family?
* How did others treat them on a night that stood for inner spirit, a night of sharing and giving to those that are not as fortunate?
* How do they feel on a night where no one should be lost in the void of their lives?
Christmas Eve 2006 will stay a part of me for all time to come. I cannot remember the last time I have experienced such a spectrum of emotions in such a short period of time. That night I laughed, cried and learned a lesson on what respect stands for. I felt disappointment; the pain of the past, present and future; a kind of love that was so simple and genuine; and anger— anger towards the world for our lack of awareness and concern for those hurting around us.
It was amazing to experience the Christmas spirit among those who have so little. They focused on, and were grateful for, what they had in life, as opposed to those of us who have injected our lives with abundance and focus only on what we want, deserve or will get. Their gift was their presence and genuine respect for each other.
They got to know each other as humans as they took the time to talk about who they were, where they came from, what brought them there, and what they lived for. What was amazing to me was no matter what their story or shortcomings consisted of, they all treated each other with equal respect.
We have heard many times that respect has to be earned. I never believed that statement and that night I was reminded why. That night I met people who owned nothing but the clothes on their backs—people who did not know where their next meal was to come from. They welcomed me as a newcomer and shared all they had. They treated me with the utmost respect that any human deserves.
That night individuals crossed our path—people who, in the eyes of the ones on the street, had everything. Those individuals looked at us like we were less worthy, lower human beings and deserving of less consideration then they did.
Respect should not be given based on one’s perceived value. Respect is not something that needs to be earned. Respect is something that should be given to every individual, regardless of status. Respect should not be given based on what we get in return from others. Respect should be given based on us simply being human. No human is more valuable than another.
So ask yourself these two questions the next time someone treats you with less respect than you know you deserve.
1. How can I give him or her more respect than they think they deserve?
2. And why should I treat someone with less respect simply based on his or her status in life, or on how he or she has treated me?
Fred Sarkari
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Posted by Derrick Shirly
The “attitude of gratitude”…
Wow Fred, that must have been quite the experience for you! I have often said that for those with nothing – gratitude becomes a daily habit. To those with everything – how to get more of everything seems to be more of the mindset. What I am most curious about it what was it like for you when you returned home? How do you manage the possible feelings of guilt for not being able to do more? Christmas time is a great time for people to open their hearts, wallets, and give to the less fortunate. But what happens to them in March, June, or September? I applaud your efforts and your heart – you are a champion of courage.
Derrick Shirley, Diversity Consultant/Educator/Psychotherapist.
Born Leader
Posted by Marsha Lawrence
I suppose the best way to teach leadership skills is to embody the principles that you teach. Fred, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is more qualified to teach others how to lead. You are the epitome of what a leader is and should be.
You are an inspiration for change, Fred. Thank you.
Marsha Lawrence, Hip Action (Montreal)
Why we feel guilty?
Derrick, you make a great point about feeling guilty. I did feel a flood of guilt pouring through me while I was out there and more so when I returned back to my warm home. Then it occurred to me that we feel guilty because there is a disconnect with our internal values and how we actually live our lives in particular situations. What I experienced that night was not guilt but more of an awareness of how easily we can loose sight of our vision and purpose in life if we do not make a conscious effort to actually live our internal values we have created for ourselves. Then again, how many people actually take the time to become aware of what they truly value in life? And if you do not know what you value how can you possibly live it? That is a whole new topic within itself.
Derrick, I hope you know the work you have been doing in the community has not gone unnoticed and has impacted many, including me.
Fred Sarkari
Integrity defined
Marsha, thank you for the kind words.
they say a person with integrity expects to be believed and when they are not they let time prove them right. Integrity is about being true to yourself and following your heart no matter how hard it may seem at times. That Marsha, you have lived since the first day our paths have crossed. You have inspired many out there by your character and how you have always danced to your own beat.
You know you were meant to dance.
Fred sarkari
Posted by Derrick Shirley
Thanks for your kind words, Fred.
Guilt is a feeling just like any of the other emotions we experience. Our emotions are a gift, a type of road map that encourages us to explore its root cause. You hit the nail on the head when it comes to consciousness raising as well. I have often questioned the things that I do and always keep a pocket journal handy just in case (hey I’m a psychotherapist). I would hate to go through life with my mental eyes closed. Who knows what havoc we already create as we play out many of the unconscious scripts that inform our lives; getting married, thinking people of colour in Canada must be from someplace else other than Canada, our knee-jerk responses to anger, even our ever-so-Canuck greeting, “How’s it going?” Do people really want to know? Or is it just our politeness script playing itself out? I love stepping outside of the script and actually telling people how it’s going, good or bad. Hmmm…maybe that’s why people aren’t asking so much lately… Go ahead, I dare you…ask me how I’m doing…I double dare you
I appreciate the work you are doing and the dedication to excellence you have obviously committed to in your business and personal life. Fine work Master Yoda, fine work.
Derrick Shirley
Psychotherapist/Diversity Consultant/Educator
Derrick, you ask if people really want to know the truth? Knowing is a scary awareness for people as it makes them accountable for their present situation. People say they want to know the truth but few have the conscious awareness to handle truth for how it impacts their life.
Awareness precedes change, we cannot change anything in our life until we are aware of our present situation. Most are fearful of that inner awareness as now they will not have the excuse of ignorance and will either have to make the changes necessary for what they desire or live with the guilt of not living their inner passions.
Truth revels the path we need to take towards the life we so long for. This path in most cases is not the easier path yet the “road less traveled”.
Fred Sarkari
Fred:
I truly appreciate your commitment to being able to experience for yourself the other side of the tracks and illustrate that respect is important and essential for us all and that the lack to show it to another for any reason is in itself am colossal error in judgment.
[...] Christmas – Respect Should Not be Earned. [...]
great article Fred. Whoa…just in time when people were saying that respect should only be given to those who have shown that they should be given to..and also a great article in the era when sometimes, we only give respect to those whom we think will be helpful to us in the future and totally neglect those may seem worthless, if i may use those words, to us…fantastic piece of writing
Hello David, thank you for the comments. The above experience surely is one of my memorable ones.
It is a sign of ones true character when one can respect those that have done them or others “wrong”.
Just like anyone can be generous when they have enough to give, who can give when they barely have; be it time, money etc…
Fred
[...] last great awareness experience taught me the valuable lesson of respect in our [...]