“You do not seem to understand what I am trying to say” Is the comment I heard a daughter tell her mother while I was reading my book at the coffee shop.
Their conversation reminded me of some of the other comments we hear or say in our personal or professional relationships.
- “You are just not listening to me”
- “I am not interested”
- “I do not understand why you need me to do this?”
Everything the mother was saying to her daughter made complete sense. Unfortunately, what the mother did not realize is that she was speaking in a language that her daughter did not know or relate to.
Even when we have relevant information others need, if we do not speak in their language the interaction leads directly to frustration, mis-understanding and ineffectiveness.
Speaking to one’s personality is nothing more than speaking to one in their language.
-
When we become aware of peoples personalities, there are endless benefits:
- We can more easily predict what others will do, say, think and feel given different situations.
- We will understand WHY they feel the way they do.
- Why they respond or react the way they do.
- Make the decisions they do.
All of us have an intrinsic need to feel understood. When a client feels that you understand what they’re needs are, why they are making particular decisions, or that you innately understand them for who they are at their most basic level, than and only than will they want to connect with you at a deeper level. Loyalty and referrals start from that point on.
-
Imagine the impact in your personal life, spouse, children, teenagers…How much does the feeling of being understood play a part in those relationships?
We have all met people with the attitude “why should I change? – they should change first”. I believe this attitude is the lowest form of communication between two individuals. We must commit to letting go of this archaic form of thinking and communicating.
Being understood is more important to people than getting what they want.
Oh wait a minute – That is exactly what they want. 
-
“If you talk to a person in a language they understand that goes to their head.
If you talk to them in their language, that goes to their heart.”
Nelson Mandela
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
An interesting topic Fred,
My 5 year old daughter says to me often “But I want to talk to you!!”, what she really means is “Mom, you’re not listening to me!”
I’m continually learning to speak so I’m able to make the emotional connections I need with those in my personal and professional life.
From speaking to my 3 year old in a way that connects with him so that he stops long enough to listen (and I stop long enough to hear him), providing my clients with understanding and an emotional connection so that we can work as a team to achieve their goals and even communicating with the animals I deal with in their primary language, namely body language, to build a bond based on mutual respect. In fact with so many roles to play, it’s easy to forget my own primary communication needs.
Love your Nelson Mandela quote, after all, touching someone’s heart will leave a far greater impression than simply speaking to their minds and isn’t that what we should all aim for?
“Being understood is more important to people than getting what they want. ”
This sentence sum up how we can make the world a better place for both ourselves and people around us.
A lot of people out there dont really know what they want and make a lot of noise trying to be heard.
If we could all stop up a bit and understand the person we are talking with at any given time life will change.
I am myself blessed with teaching and coaching in a language I had to learn more or less from scratch this forced me to be much more aware about what the other person actually mean than I used to be.
Now it is natural for me to “get behind the words” whenever I interact with another person.
All it takes is just to decide to do it and it give you so much in terms of better communication!
Hi, nice article. I’d add from my feel few remarks. Still the most positive person can direct mixed messages with their body speech. These popular body language points will help you stay focused, and give a positive imprint when encounter new people. Sometimes when you get in touch with a person you unconsciously mirror their body language. If they incline forward when verbalizing to you, you may lean forward as well. The signs that you direct other people can develop a sense of trust and desire for connection if done properly. On the other hand if done incorrectly you can yield disinterest and distrustfulness. “The eyes are the windowpane to the soul,” as they pronounce, and this form of link can be as strong as touch.
Enjoy reading this, thank you:)