Mentalsidewalk

Having Zal and Natasha stay with me for the last three weeks has been a truly memorable experience. We did a lot of fun things and shared some very important moments. However, I can’t deny that it was difficult. After all, I’m not used to playing full-time parent to two growing children. It’s time intensive and emotionally demanding. Though I’ve learned many things during this time, one of the most valuable lessons is the importance of delegation.

It’s a lesson that single moms already know. The day to day demands of raising children without anyone else to fall back on are exhausting. I did it for three weeks; -single moms make a lifestyle of it.

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These moms learn how to focus their energy on the right things. They put their efforts into the things that need to be done both in their business lives and their personal experiences. They prioritize in order to make sure that their jobs get done while also saving enough time for their children.

I have a new found respect for Single Parent.

Over the last three weeks, I had a crash course in delegation. Since I had limited time with Zal and Natasha, I wanted to make sure that I gave them as much attention as I could. To do that, I had to reevaluate my business habits. I had to look carefully at my business tasks and only do the ones that were specifically catered to my skill set.

I did these necessary tasks myself and then turned the remainder of the business over to others.

I’ve always thought that I was good at delegating, but I never realized just how important it was until I put it into practice on this level. By prioritizing my attention on Zal and Natasha, I was forced to limit my work life. As a result, I was pleasantly surprised to find not only that others could get these tasks done, but that my personal life and my business life were better off for this new found balance.

It’s a valuable lesson for everyone–single moms, family men, and business people. We need to focus on our skill sets, do the tasks geared to us, and then delegate the rest. This allows you to play to your strengths, and by focusing your energy, you can be sure that your best work is being done.

It may cost a little more to delegate things out, but by focusing on your strengths the ROI will be well worth the price.

I would love to hear back from from parents how and what they do to create that balance in their lives.

Keep Sharing!

This past weekend I participated in the Push0r Mitchel Apple Triathlon. It wasn’t my first such event, but it was by far my favorite triathlon I have ever experienced.

The Main reason this triathlon was so special was that it was the first time I participated with my niece and nephew. Both Zal and Natasha took part in the (KOS) Kids of Steel race, and sharing this experience with them made it all the more special. It is so important to involve our kids in all aspects of our lives. We grew so much closer together, and I know its an experience we’ll all remember fondly.  Our children will always remember the experiences we share together.

While Zal and Natasha made this race extra memorable, the Pusher Mitchel Apple Triathlon is a special event in and of itself. In fact, when I was setting up my bike before the race, I struck up a friendly conversation with another participant. It was her first time in this triathlon, so she asked my opinion of it. I replied honestly that it was the best event I’d ever been to. Just looking around, it was obvious what set this race apart.

The volunteers were well informed, productive, but more importantly they cared about the racers, were passionate to be there and had a lot of fun.

I realized that such positive energy was a direct result of the leadership behind the event.

The President of the triathlon is Richard Montgomery. For those who aren’t familiar with Richard, he is a genuine man who not only has outstanding organizational skills but the passion to make others excited to follow his vision as well.

This quality leadership was evident in every volunteer and participant. Even my nine-year-old nephew felt the difference. After it was over, he commented that it was the best race we’d ever been at. People of all ages, genders, and backgrounds can sense good leadership, even if they can’t identify it. The business world would be a better place if there were more leaders like Richard Montgomery.

When I was biking up Knox mountain, I noticed another racer struggling. It was clear that she wasn’t exhausted, but that she was using the incorrect gear. Without a thought, I slowed down to help her, explaining to her how to use the gears properly. She thanked me and I continued on my way. I hadn’t gotten very far when another racer rode up next to me. He didn’t linger long, but as he passed, he said, “Her lack of preparation should not be your concern.”

He was a stronger rider, so it took some effort to catch up. When I pulled up beside him again, I told him simply, “Winning at the price of consciously being blind to the right thing is not worth winning at all.”

It’s hard to say if he took anything away from our conversation, but I know the woman had a better experience. When the race was over, I asked my nephew what he would have done if he’d crossed someone in need of help. Zal didn’t hesitate. “I would have to help them.”

Curious by his word choice, I asked him why he’d have to help.

Zal shrugged. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

His plaintive response was better than anything else I experienced that day.

Overall, competing in this triathlon was challenging and satisfying. I’m glad I made time to participate and even more pleased that I had the opportunity to share this time with Zal and Natasha. It’s remarkable how much you can learn from something so simple.

Lesson One: Cherish moments with your children. Spending time with them is more valuable than anything else, and those are the moments that will last a lifetime.

Lesson Two: Real leadership makes a difference. Anyone can figure out want needs to be done in order to create success, but very few can make others want to be part of that journey. The only way to do that is to be an authentic leader.

Lesson Three: Always take the time to do the right thing. Winning is important, but being compassionate to others is even more valuable.

Fred Sarkari

The day I have been waiting for has finally arrived! When those two little people ran through the airport doors, their smiles alone took my breath away. Today was the first day of a three week journey with my niece and nephew–and what an adventure it was.

We woke up in Banff at 6:00 AM ready to start the trip.

During breakfast, we mapped out   our trip together, named the flags that hung from the ceiling, and just caught up with life. Afterward, we stopped at the hot springs. While we played in the water, Zal and Natasha told me about their summer and asked me about mine. It was remarkable how we hadn’t done anything substantial yet, but we were already having the time of our lives. We focus so much on goals and results sometimes that we miss out on the most valuable things of all–the small, precious moments we share with our loved ones.

Our first real stop was Lake Louise. The plan was canoeing, but when we got there, Zal was nervous. He knew the water would be cold, since it was a glacial lake. It took some cajoling, but when he saw everyone else having fun, his focus turned from fear to total excitement.

As it turned out, we all had a great time–especially Zal. In the end, he told me he was so grateful that he hadn’t allowed his fears to take away this experience we shared together. His comment stopped my thoughts cold, reminding me to never walk away from life experiences due to my fears.

We went to Moraine Lake next. The water there is so blue–you have to see it to believe it!

The kids were blown away, but when I tried to show them the rocks we could climb for a better view, they went silent with uncertainty.

I told them I would take them one step at a time and that it was okay to be scared. They grabbed my hands and were ready to face the adventure again.

The view from the top put the bottom to shame. It is so important to go the extra mile. It is amazing how much we miss out on by not taking that extra step. No matter where you want to end up, you can only take the journey one step at a time.

By the time we finished, we were so tired. We thought about turning in, but decided to make one more stop at the Ghost Town. At first, I was worried the kids would be bored, and actually suggested we drive right by. Natasha screamed, “If we don’t try, how will we know what we missed out on?” Well, needless to say, my only answer was the sound of brakes screeching. I truly recommend taking the time to go see the Ghost Town. Seeing this history come to life was a reminder that so much of who we are and what we’ve accomplished is connected to the past.

It was 10:30 at night when we finally rolled into my driveway in Kelowna, exhausted but happy. Looking back on the day, it’s so clear to me that children can teach us all we need to know in life. You just need to take the time to connect with your children, and you’d be surprised what you can learn. Spending this day with Natasha and Zal has taught me the following lessons. I can hardly wait for what tomorrow will bring.

Lessons from Natasha and Zal

1. While chasing your long term goals, do not lose sight of the day to day interactions with your loved ones. That is where life is truly lived.

2. Never let fear take away all that life has to offer.

3. No matter how big and scary the destination may seem, just focus on the next step. By taking it one step at a time, you’ll be enjoying the destination in no time.

4. All the answers you are looking for can be found in the past. That is why archeologists search the past–to find the answers to the future.

This man has more courage in his heart in these 3 minutes than most of us do in a lifetime.

There are times when we hit the ground so hard that we wonder if we will ever have the courage to get back up again.  After watching this 3 minute video, I cannot wait to fall once again just so I can get back up and live.

Look around you, truly look with all your heart and soul, and know that no matter what our situation or circumstance in life is – we are truly blessed.

Hold on to your precious moments, tell your spouse how much you truly appreciate them, hold your children tight and whisper in their ears your love for them, touch the hearts and souls of all those that cross your path and most importantly look in the mirror and know you are special and you have within you greatness that is just waiting to be reveled into this world.

We are capable of so much more.

I was taking a break having a coffee and reading a book at Good Earth in beautiful Kelowna.

That is where I saw a sight that put a tear in my eye.

A mother telling her child about the importance of always taking the time to look pretty before you walk out of the house.

Imagine the difference in the child

if she was taught the importance of always

trusting and believing in herself

before leaving the house.

We all face those times where we doubt ourselves, our image onto others or just who we are trying to be and grow into.

Everywhere you turn you see images and opinions of what society concludes as beautiful and worthy.

Have you ever really looked at yourself in the mirror?

Looked at who you really are as a person and an individual?  Do not just take a glance, what you are wearing, your hair style, the color of your skin or your fake tan.  Truly look at YOU.  Look at the reflection in the mirror long enough till you see within yourself and than ask yourself who you see.

I know most will role their eyes at this task, but I tell you this.  The ones that come up with any reason why they are not going to do it all comes down to the one main and real reason why not?

We are scared to know who we truly are

There is no hype clothing, hair style, look, color, what you drive, where you live or your chosen profession that can put value to your soul.

Stare at yourself in the mirror and just know that you are beautiful just the way you were created.  There is no end to your beauty in your eyes and those that cross your path when you start believing in yourself.

Live YOUR life to the fullest.

Live YOUR life for YOU and not others.

Fred sarkari

She send me a message that said, “Thank you for a great afternoon, we will remember it for a long time to come.”

I had a small house warming yesterday and it was the perfect day. A beautiful sunny day, almost 30 deg. cel.  What made it perfect was being surrounded by great people as we all sat on the veranda, over eating and having a few drinks.

When I received that message above, it reminded me of how some events in our life gets etched into our memory for a long time.  These events consist of how we were treated, good or bad.

It took me back to a precious moment with my nephew.  

How he described the moment with 3 words.  She loved me.

My mom and I were trying to remember a persons name we had met at a party.  We asked my 8 year old nephew if he remembered her and her name.

His first remark was she loved me and he walked away.  After a belly full of laughter I asked him if he remembered her name and he said no, but she loved me.

The beauty of a childs mind.  All he remembered and cared to remember is how she made him feel in the few moments that they shared together.

In our busy lives, when we share those few snapshot moments with people, be it in our personal and professional lives or strangers; do we take the time to leave behind an emotion they can feel good about?

people make decisions in their lives based on emotions.  These emotions are based on their past experiences.

Therefore, the most important questions you can ask yourself after every shared moment is;

“What emotions did I leave behind?”

Fred Sarkari

Whether you are a future or an existing parent, we always wonder how effective of a job we are doing? Are we bringing up the leaders of tomorrow?  will my child live a happy life?  will they go down the wrong path? will they impact this world in a positive way?

How can we protect our children in this negative and dangerous world that we live in?  First and for most we need to change the way we look at this world and the people in it. Than and only than will the world that we look at will change for the better.

There is more than enough goodness in this world to over power the negative.

The only true way to protect our children in the real world is to teach them how to protect themselves. How to protect their minds and values.

I asked a great friend and colleague of mine if she can share some insight when it comes to raising balanced happy children.

I did not ask Anita her opinion because she is a phenomenal counselor and coach.  More so, if anyone has had the pleasure of meeting her two daughters, they understand why the world needs to know what her secrets are in raising happy balanced children.

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ANITA SINGH:

I am honored to shared my thoughts with Fred’s readers.

With so much to say “where do I begin?”.  The hard part will be to keep it short as there is so much to share.

I’ve tried to view my honor as a mother as a journey to not only teach and guide my daughters (aged 8 and 6) as children but to also learn from them and be be guided by them.

No love can be greater than what we as parents feel for our children. So many times we view our role as parents as having the upperhand or “control” of our child, their well being, physically growth, emotionally, academically, spiritually.

Listen to their innocence: We forget at times to simply just listen to their innocent ideas. Its that innocence that can keep us guided and on track to what is “good” and what truely “matters” to them.

Respect them: By showing them that we respect their ideas we instill a confidence, respect and security in them. Then they will have the confidence to truly feel and believe that this time spent together really matters.

Get to their level: The simplest things are all that matters.  At least once a day, take the time to look into your child’s eyes at their level when they speak to us.

When fred asked me to share, I should have thought “where do I end….”

Anita Singh, BSW, RSW.

Social worker, life-relationship and parent coach.

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The question I ask you as parents is:

If all you did different, consistently, with your children are the 3 above points would you create a stronger bond with them?

All you parents out there, we are all open to more advice of what has worked for you.

If we are to teach real peace in this world,

and if we are to carry a real war against war,

we shall have to begin with the children.

Mahatma Ghandhi

Fred Sarkari

Queen of Spain wrote a very touching and to the point post on her blog.  Simple yet so relevant to the importance of clarity in children’s lives.

Children  have a keen ability to see life’s situation for what they truly are.

They are honest about their feelings and they understand the true power of their emotions.  The are passionate about everything that they do.  They are passionate when they play, they are passionate when they laugh and we all know that they are passionate when they cry.

Most importantly children are not fearful of feeling and living their emotions.  

Our relationships would be so much more connected and would have significantly deeper meaning if we as adults had the courage to learn from our children. 

Children come to us more evolved than adults in order to teach us the lessons in life.

Fred Sarkari

We have all had those long draining stressful days that never seems to end and everything seems to go wrong.

You are worn out, mentally and physically. 

Along comes the magical event that shoots a surge of energy throughout your entire body and mind.

They say children come to us more evolved than adults in order to teach us the lessons we need to learn in life.  It took 9 years for my niece and nephew to teach me one of the most precious lessons in life.  The magical event.

Children love to hug, not just as a conditioned action but with passion and intent.

Every time I spend time with my niece and nephew I have a new appreciation for parents.  At the same time I envy the little precious joys they receive on a daily basis.  Hugs and kiss!

What we have to realize is that your skin is your largest organ.

Study:

One hundred adult volunteers: married or long-term partners

They were asked to hold hands while watching a pleasant ten-minute video followed by a twenty-second hug.

A second group of participants:

were asked to rest calmly without partners.

Both groups were then asked to discuss something stressful that had recently caused them to be upset or angry.

Usually talking about stressful experiences increases heart rate and blood pressure. That is exactly what happened to the people in the 2nd control group.  They experienced twice the rise in blood pressure and an increase of heart rate by ten beats per minute compared to the “huggers.”

One of the most powerful physiological affects of hugging is the drop in the stress hormone cortisol.

For us men, the next time our spouse comes home after a long stressful day, do not try and solve her problems.  Just give here a big hug.  (Trust me, your life will be a lot easier as well).

Hugging also invigorates the body by increasing the level of hemoglobin which carries oxygen to your tissues. When these tissues receive oxygen, they rejuvenate the body including your largest organ (Skin). stimulates nerve endings, and also helps in relieving pain.

Therefore the more we hug, the less we stress and the less we have to spend on anti-aging cream.

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.

We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.

We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

Share the most precious gift, our hugs.

Fred Sarkari

The child was crying out; ‘why will you not wait for me?’ I was driving yesterday and saw this lady walking with a child carrying a backpack. What touched my heart was the fact that the lady was walking 15 feet a head of the child as the child is dragging her school backpack trying to keep up with the lady.

Now as I sit here I received a phenomenal story from a friend of mine, which I would like to share with everyone.

From Karen Romualdez:

I got a call from the Music teacher in a public school nearby… she is panicking, her students refuse to listen and they refuse to learn a song. They were following a strict schedule and had to be ready for the Kiwanis Music Festival.

I set aside the movie script that I was working on and went straight to the class in my jeans, hoody, baseball cap and skater sneakers (I know teachers are always in their strict “madam” outfits).

My first question was, “what song are they singing?” Teacher answered, “The Water is Wide” (an English Folk song from the 1600s). I knew instantly what the problem was, because I myself, did not know exactly what that song was. In my mind, I only had these words, “what and why? I mean, WHY???” So we decided to first change the song to Josh Groban’s, “You Raise Me Up”. The teacher insisted on her personal favourite antique sounding song. So, we compromised (we can achieve anything when we practice the art of “compromising”). The kids were singing both songs.

After deciding what songs they were singing, I lined them up to determine who belongs to Alto, Soprano1 and Soprano 2. I asked them to sing… I couldn’t hear them. Louder, I said… still nothing. I realized, they were intimidated by me. So I asked them to take their seats. I was going to share two of my deepest secrets with them. Right there, I could see the enthusiasm in their big wide eyes. “Guess what guys (I never call them KIDS)… I CAN’T READ NOTES! Yup, you heard me, I C-A-N-N-O-T READ NOTES.” “How do you know what and how to sing then?” they asked. I went to music school when I was 18 but I did not learn how to read notes. Instead of singing with the use of music sheets, I used my heart instead. My passion for singing is so deep that I can find the solution to any of my problems in my heart.

I could tell, my “guys” were now warming up. They knew I wasn’t a GOD. I am as imperfect as they are.

The voices started coming out… one by one… then VOILA —– they were unstoppable! The strong ones I put on the first row, the weak ones, instead of maligning them and asking them to just quit (gosh, those voices were sooooooo painful!), were on the 2nd row, away from the microphones.

Festival day came…. The teacher wanted to be the leader… “By all means, the floor is yours”, I said to her. I sat as far as I could from my “guys”. When they started singing, they were all focused… ON ME! With those big wide smiles plastered on their faces. They sang “madam’s” personal favorite… they did great. Then it was “OUR” song, You Raise Me Up”… They were phenomenal.

In the end, they were given a special award for… OUR SONG! The judge said, “The Water is Wide is a very old song for children their age. You Raise me up was more suitable and the blending of the first and second voices were perfect.” The “guys” and I were beaming!

For two years now, I have been coaching/teaching the grade school choir. Instead of starting the session with vocalization exercises, we talk about where I get my shoes, purse, shirt or sweater from. We laugh and laugh and that to me is considered a warm up for “guys” their age.

The choir “guys” and I are now buddies… we now have the freedom to pick our songs. I download, make copies for each of them then we start working. And the best part is, I don’t even have to read notes!

—

“When mentoring children, walk beside them, never ahead of them.”

 Fred Sarkari

Yes, money does make your life easier. It gives you the opportunities to travel with leisure, buy the cars you desire, live in luxury homes…

I have nothing against making a healthy income, in fact, if you are willing to work effective and pay the price go right a head and make the millions.

Now that being said, unfortunately people seem to focus on money as a priority over their passions and true intrinsic dreams.

I am sitting here in a Starbucks working on a presentation as my hearing gravitated towards a conversation behind me. Taking a quick glance I noticed a woman and a teenager. From their conversation it seemed like the woman was coaching the teenager for the life he is about to partake.

The boy started talking about his dreams and what he wanted to do in life, what would make him truly happy. It was so refreshing to hear him talk about his passions, even though I could not see him as he sat behind me, I could feel the glow he felt as he talked about his future.

Now came the all powerful, knowledgeable, experienced coach. She started by telling him all about her self. “She is a certified coach and how important it is that he does what she says if he wants to succeed in life.” and onwards and onwards and onwards. Well you get the point, she just did not care to stop talking about herself, in turn she had no idea what success really meant to this teenager.

One of the first things she said to this passionate and full of life teenager was “it is great that you have all these dreams, but first thing you need to consider is will it make you the money you need in life.” If she was sitting beside me I would have pretended to drop my tea all over her just so she can stop stealing his dreams away.

Then she went on to take his dream, and insisted she knew what was best for him by creating a 5 year action plan that prioritized all around what would help him create the most income.

You could feel the life being sucked right out of him. His excitement had deflated, his energy level had declined.

Then she ended with a line that actually made me spill tea all over my self in the middle of a sip.

She went on to say, “I don’t want you to get worried about it, this is just what life is all about. Now I have you booked for next Wednesday, do you want to pay for this session in cash or cheque?”

Why do we insist on stealing the dreams children have? There is nothing more powerful than a passionate dream. If we teach our children to follow their dreams and passions with all their soul they will create happiness in their lives beyond any imaginable thought.

As he got up to leave I turned around and saw that life had been drained out of him. As he walked by I looked at him and said; “I did not mean to listen into your conversation, but I could not help but to feel the passion you have for your dream. The only way you could lose that is if you and only you are willing to give it away – so never lose sight of it.”

You could see a glitter come back into his eyes, I just hope it was enough for him to hold on to his dreams.”

Fred Sarkari

The most valuable lesson we can teach our children is to “live the life they feel.” Teach them that it is okay to surrender to their instincts instead of living to satisfy others needs.

No bird can soar too high as long as they are willing to soar with their own wings.

Computers can analyze my past, present and future but it cannot fathom the reason for my existence, my dreams, joys, pains, the light that guides me and the darkness that haunts me.

When we program our children to what is norm in our society we take away their most precious gift, their inner instincts. Their soul guiding them to their unique individuality.

Our children have good reason to be afraid of their future as society has taken away their existence and thrown them into the darkness.

When children follow their passion, they are considered fools and outcasts, often believing they themselves are crazy. Yet feeling even crazier if they gave up their passions and dreams in order to live this so called ‘normal’ life.

For all those children out there, listen and listen very carefully. And for those parents out there that try to normalize their children, listen with an open heart. “A fool who persists to be a fool long enough will one day be considered a wise person.” Any one who has created history, a legacy beyond their time, impacted countless lives around the world; were at once considered a fool.

Standing alone requires courage that only lies deep within us. Then again, our reason for existence, our purpose in life also lies deep within us. You cannot have one without the other.

Always be true to your heart.

Fred Sarkari

It is amazing how many parents ask me to work with their children. “My son just does not understand” “my daughter needs to work on her communication skills” “my son has no drive in his life to do better” and so on.

All you parents out there, we all need to learn to look in the mirror first when it comes to our children.

It is not to say that we are always at fault for our children’s mis-guidedness. At the same time we should always ask our selves, What are we doing to our children bring out the greatness that is within them?

A Life In Your Hands
• If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;
•
• If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;
•
• If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;
•
• If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;
•
• If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;
•
• If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;
•
• If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;
•
• If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;
•
• If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;
•
• If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;
•
• If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
(Dorothy Law Holte)

We have a responsibility and an obligation to teach our children how to think in this world. Make choices based on values and integrity.

Fred Sarkari

Remember when, as a child you believed you could be anything you desired with no sense of fear and would one day rule the world?

Unfortunately our society does not support such childhood passion, drive and vision.  This ‘Society’ is comprised of us, the adults that steal away the dreams of our children by telling them they cannot…

Creating awareness in our youth so that regardless of their life circumstances, or environment, they will be able to achieve whatever they envision for themselves.
By instilling in our youth desire, direction, passion and most importantly purpose, we will keep the dreams of our youth alive. The greatest gift bestowed upon us is the power of choice in any circumstance that surrounds us.

Never lose that inner child within you that believes anything you can think of is possible to achieve.

Help your children bring out the greatness that is within them.

Fred Sarkari

I was asked the other day,  ”How do we get our youth to support their community?”

The biggest down fall adults have in guiding our youth is the false assumption that we know what our youth desire. 

We are so focused on trying to get our youth to use the skills that they have and trained to attain that we have lost sight of what truly lies in their heart?

If we want our youth to support their community and more so to florish into the greatness that is within them, we need to take the time to help them realize what is within their heart. 

What is it that they desire to do?

What drives them from within? 

What is their passion and excitment? 

Then help them pursue what lies on the other side. 

 In short, we need to start truly listening to our youth without judgement.

Fred Sarkari

From the book: How The Top 5% Think! Principles of Great Leaders.

“In order to understand leadership at its essence, take lessons from a child.”

Did you know that the average infant laughs approximately 400 times a day, compared to the average adult 15 times a day?

“Children come to us more evolved than adults in order to teach us the lessons we need to learn in life.”

People that take the simple things in life for granted may sometimes feel that there is not always a reason to smile. Our thoughts are powerful and they will determine the outcome of our actions.

We need to learn how to enjoy life unconditionally by finding the joy in the little things in life. We can learn a valuable lesson from children, as they tend to live in the moment. Have you ever noticed that when children are playing, they exude passion in all that they do, they focus solely on what they are doing at that moment in time and are not concerned with the circumstances that surround them.